The most annoying fic in the history of fanfiction
by Jai iaJ
Summary: You will find within this story everything that annoys you about fanfiction. The first few chapters are painful but around chapter 7 I write normally. You know, correct spelling and such. Please leave a review with suggestions about annoying stories on FF
1. Installment 1

ThE mOsTe AnNoYiNg FiC iN tHe HiStOrY oF fAnFiCtIoN!!!!

An: just so you know, the more flames I get, the better I feel so HA too all you flamers out there sings 'cant touch this' by MC hammer

And the pissing off-ness starts…

NOW

"blah" normal

'blah' mind-speek

harry potter looked out of the window of the train waching teh contry go bye. It was only 2 days ago that he found out that his father was really Vvoldemorte and his real mother was infact bellatrix leztrang. He thought of his current bf, greagory gole.(a.n: droooooooooool yo wat up mofos) 'god he is sooo hott' he thought lustily. His thoughts turned darker as he thought about is ex bf draco malafory. 'motha fuking man slut' not htat harry the-boy-who-lived could really talk, as he had lost his virginity many times.

(after the sorting)

"hmm greg chan call me what u always call me when we are alone"

'My lil sugar spice?"

"no teh other thing"

"horny bitch?"

"No! the other one"

"koi?"

"No!"

"snuggle puss?"

"WTF where'd that come from?"

"Well I dun know what ur talking bout so u tell me…"

END PISSING OFF NESS NOW!!!!!!

God….

That pissed me off just writing it…

Well if ya want me to continue so you can vent your anger unto this fic, then plz flame…

Shit, how many times has this happed? A author begging for flames and staving off reviews…….

Well

Ja ne

Kyuushi .


	2. Installment 2

Whoa shit, 4 reviews in a day, I KNEW THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

Oreo07: angelic grin well it's a good thing that u do know I'm writing this on purpose .'. Wait, if enamel has lead, then don't we get lead poisoning, is that why I lives r so short? Or is the lead impotent? (wtf, where'd that come from)

Iheartmwpp: Your welcome .! hmmmm…….thnx I'll try that out!!!!!!

Leaves: shiny grin. Hmm….whoops thnx for pointing that out. WELCOME I AIM TO PLEASE (in a weird I'm-trying-to-piss-you-off kinda way)

Long Lost Dream37: hmm….you know I don't actually know myself, I was writing this at 4 in the morning……

PISSING OFF-NESS STARTS

NOW

as harry layed in bed cuddling his giant cuddle bear (a n goyle for all u assholes who didn't guess out there) he thought about his grandfather figure albus dumbledoor (an I cant be bothered to search through all the books to get the rite speeling) he was such a nice man

mooney laied in bed whit his own lover sevrus snap he felt save in his lovers arms

sevvi

yea

i love u

love u 2 babe

mmmm

ohhhhh yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lieing all alon in the streets was seariouse black he was curled up in a lil ball and gnawing on some cooked chiken bones that the cafee had thrown out not to long ago

hmmm ciken bones r da best man

a dog walked up to him and started to eat the ciken bones as well

oh piss off u mofo dese r my bones

END THE PISSING OFF-NESS

Oh god, if my mother caught me writing this, I would be dead, for shit English and the mature content.

Has any one noticed the most mature content isn't all that mature? Take American Pie for example…..just think about it.

Kyuushi .


	3. Installment 3

YAY chap 3

Times 4 ur brains ta burst boys and girls

Reviews:

Roasted Snow: hehehe like the name, tis funny and ironic, why? i dunno. well, you hate majikally smexy characters eh? (points to fic) MWHAHAHAHA HOWD U LIKE DEM APPLES???? plz ignore me, i am now mentally damaged due to this fic...i hope you may understand my prediciment...

Sentient: Dunno if its exactly what ur lookin for, but this fic is ment to piss u off, so i'm taking the pissing offness and pissing it off...if that makes any sense...

Kermit: hmm...distilled garbage, pure tripe? I like ur wording, its very...err...specific...and now giving mental images that will make me puke...damn my overactive imagination for making me imagine the smell, i imagine, quite accuratly. Hmm, i didnt get too specific on his appearence, but that just pisses me off when people don't describe the looks of the characters, or when they spend too much time on them...and i decided to give the earrings a skip, considering i like them (i'm weird, if u haven't guessed already)

This fic will most likely never end, considering that most fics that go on for more than 45 chapters tend to piss ppl off, specially at the insainly short lengths that i am writing in. but i still want flames, like the one Kermit gave me, read it, it was poetry, pure poetry that inspired me vry well along with the other TWO (dissapointed face coz i had so much trust that more ppl would review) reviews that i had gotten for chapter two...

pissing offness starts now

* * *

hrmione granger was a sm,art girl she knew what she wanted in life and rote now she wanted her geanaveave weasly he long blood red hair deap green eyes it was a wondor that people diddnt ravash her in the hall as thay walked past

greg sat in the slitherin thinking about his hott bf harry pottter he had changed in the last hols his hair was longer his features more refined and hew as built really really built his muscles were the way people could tell he was a dude when thay werre looking at him from the back (a n drooooool) he heard some of the girls in the common room talking about how he coold ov had this magore make over

said bf was wondering around the hall upstairs hand in hand whit ronnalled weasly yes he was cheating on greg but he was harry potter no one could tell him what to do he thought of the person than hase halped him become the ultra super hott hotty hew as now his dear friend nina

nina was currently sitting in her bathroom contamplating on her dear friend harry pottteer who was a magore hott hotty she then looked down at her ultra thin body and wished herself dead grabbing a razoer she tried to do just that but her bro mike came in and stoped her jus in time

nina u baka wat were u trying to do

fuk u dickhead i wanna fuking die

no fuking way bitch wat wood harry say if he see u like dis

….soz bro I love u

Lov eu 2 bitch

* * *

END NOW PLZ

Right thanks to all who reviewed and keep doing it, tis good for my mind, not too good for my education as you can see –points up-


	4. Installment 4

**HEYOOOO I'M BACK WOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Reviews: **

**Iheartmwpp: you are my most loyal reviewer, I thank you from the bottom of my tiny shriveled black heart. I'm sorry about your eyes though. And its ok, I'm probably gonna get heaps more, because:**

**_!!!!THIS IS THE NEVER ENDING FANFIC!!!!_ **

**WOOT YEA!**

**Satangirl666: -snicker evilly- hehehe IT WORKS!!! I bet you all damn natural curiosity and basic instinct now doncha?...hmm…..I'll need to look into that……can say I rightly know…..**

**Geek Squared 1307****: Hm, why yes it is. I thank you for that. And I will tell you what else, I go to a privet school in Australia, one of the ones in the upper class so really I am actually degrading my school's educational policy. Yay snaps for me!!!**

**Eileen: -sigh- hun, you have no idea how hard it is to write this shit, the only reason why I update so fast is because each chapter isn't more than a page in reality (excluding the Author's Notes). Hmm, well I am currently rewriting one fic (Demon Dayz, perhaps you've heard of it) because it was badly written, and I now see why I am writing this fic, to purge myself of the bad grammar, punctuation and spelling, so I may continue writing Demon Dayz in peace. **

**Pissing offness starts now:**

Genny weesly laed on bed nxt to draco starck nekked and painting hevely draco singed

Whoa tht waz dab est sX eva

Ya I no

Wanna go a gaine

Ya shore

Greg waas makin out whit hrmione grangr atm an eh waz engoyin it vry vry much

Hrmion I luve u

Lurv u 2

Marry me

Ya

And so the weddfing bellz toled

**END**

**Well, you all know what to do….REVIEW!!! **


	5. Installment 5

Hey soz I havnt updated in while, ran out of inspiration, coz most of the stories I have read have been….mediocre at worst.

Pissing off-ness starts…

…………………….

………………………………

……………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

:cough:

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Oh right:ahem:

NOW!

Hey harry how was your day

Lets just say…its was great

Ok….what did u do

Lets just say….i had fun

Right….hows reamus

Lets just say……he's fine

Mmmhmmmm………….um….yeah…..

Lets just say……..erm

Yeah…lets……freak

Lets just say….i destest that adjective….

Riiiiggggght…so uh..u get any new pericings….

Lets just say my dick hurts….

Oh god I did not need to know that………………….can I c it

Lets just say…sure

Ooooo shiny……

Lets just say……lick it…..

………meh, lets just say I will

Lets just say….ooo do that again….

END

Well I suppose you could all see where I was coming from…

REVIEW!!!!

Kyuushi .


	6. Installment 6

Hey guys this aint actually a chapeter coz I'm feeling lazy atm. I would just lyk to thnk evry one who has helped come this far in my crappy fan fic making. The list goes on as follows:

Chapter 1:

Long Lost Dream37:

W.T.F was that…?

Leaves:

Ahahah! Brilliant. I like it. Lol...

Omg, it was so gross! But you missed when authors leave off random punctuation kind of like this

or even better when they don't capitalize anything and it's all run together and you can't tell whats going on and then they leave off quotes too at the end of the sentences when characters are talking so that no one can tell whats going on and it gets really annoying after awhile

Painful.

Thanks for writing this! It totally made me laugh.

EllaBella

Iheartmwpp:

Thank you for making my brain explode.  
If you really want to crazy ppl like me off, all you had to do was make this a Marauder fic and spell Moony wrong during the whole thing. Heh, next chapter! XD

Oreo07:

If i didnt know that you wrote this on purpose, i would have litterally found where u live got on a plane and smacked the lead outta ur teeth(and yes ur enamel contains lead, everyones does) sry that was random...ahem...keep writing...i mean...DIE MAN DIE!!(or woman)

Chapter 2:

Roasted Snow:

gah! its so annoying! horrible! gah! its just- i cant- gah!! its so hard to even get through half of it.  
another really annoying part to a fanfic is when the characters magically change how they look and become all "sexy". i hate that...

Sentient:

Tragically amusing. You should add a ''slit my wrists and die coz my life sux so bad, emo!Mary Sue''

Kremit:

It's like distilled garbage... tripe that is pure, natural and bottled at the source...

Don't forget to radically alter Harry's appearance in such a way that would have everyone in Beverly Hills fighting tooth and nail for the phone numbers of his plastic surgeon, personal trainer, and personality-transplant-expert.

Having enough metal in his body due to various piercings to fuel a small-arms factory for a week is a must.

Iheartmwpp:

GAH U SPELLED MOONY WRONG! Yeah, that's what I hate most about Harry Potter fanfiction (and the third movie, for that matter), so just keep that up every chapter or something and you'll be doing your job. Gotta read and get off more now!

Chapter 3:

Iheartmwpp:

My eyes hurt from trying to read this grammar. I sry you don't get more flames, I try harder in future...yay offness never ending! Now I can always turn somewhere when I'm feeling depressed about my own writing! Yay happyfairies!

SatanGirl666

u know what gets me? i had to f-ing read this sick and dimented story because of natural curiosity. go see an f-ing counsler! seek pysciatric help.

moment of insanity WRITE MORE XD XD this sht is addictingly funny. is addictingly a word?

S.G.6

Geek Squared 1307:

Oh, dear Lord, this is the worst fanfiction ever. It is pure, radioactive filth that needs to be eradicated from this site as soon as possible. It is the perfect example of what happens when people obvioulsy have no education whatsoever.  
That being said, please write more! I'm really enjoying it.  
Happy reading and writing!  
From my own little corner of the Multiverse,  
Geek Squared 1307

Eileen:

It must be very hard to write this badly on purpose. Why can't you use that energy as a force for good? There are so many bad HP fics out there that one more won't be noticed--write the best fic that was ever written, or at least the best one that you can write, and we'll talk.

F  
L  
A  
M  
E

U sutpid peece of shet! Haow can u wriet thes badd? These suks! SUKS I TELL U!  
F  
L  
A  
M  
E

Chapter 4:

Loonymarauder:

Wow...this story gets worse and worse with every chapter

Geek Squared 1307:

This fic makes me sigh with frustration. I have to read some parts over to figure out what in the world is going on. I suppose that's what you were going for. Well, happy reading and writing!  
Geek Squared 1307

minkX:

There is something deeply wrong with you...UPDATE!

Iheartmwpp:

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm your most loyal reviewer and I haven't even reviewed the last two chapters that were posted like months ago! Feeling really bad now...anyway, the torture you must have to go through writing this badly, I so sorry...currently thinking of ideas of what really annoy me in fanfiction now...Oh! I know! Do a crappily written AUTHOR'S NOTE instead of a chapter, or have one of your usual author's notes be the chapter, it always drives me crazy when people don't update for months and then all we get is something that's not even the story we were waiting for. Though why anyone would want to read this in the first place is beyind me...I'm gonna read the next chapter now XD.

Chapter 5:

Geek Squared 1307:

I didn't think it was possible for a fic to be this bad, but since that's what you're going for, I guess you succeeded.  
G.S.1307

MinkX:

Very nice chibi nee-chan

Iheartmwpp:

I'm adding you to my favorites so I can check when it actually updates now. This'll definately be the most poorly written fic on my fav list...congrats! Oh, thought of something else, if you put everything into internet jargen (did I even spell that right?), you know, like IDK or LOL or WTF and different smileys every five seconds and stuff. I've seen that done before and it IS funny sometimes...when the rest of the story is written well. Somehow, I don't think that'll be the case here lol.

Well that's it for the reviews folks. I just copy and pasted that entire thing, wasting 5 min of my lyf, just so I could be sure to annoy you. Best thing is now..i havnt got the spell check on, so u have to deal with my pretty crappy spelling and the fact that I am going to post this as soo as I have saved this in my harry potter fan fic file.

But now is some thing that I though up of 30 secs ago just to eleviate ur blood preassure.

THE BEST FLAME CONTEST:

The winners per chapter go as follows:

Chapter 1:

1st place: Oreo07:

_If i didnt know that you wrote this on purpose, i would have litterally found where u live got on a plane and smacked the lead outta ur teeth_

2nd place: Iheartmwpp:

_Thank you for making my brain explode.  
_3rd place: Long Lost Dream37:

_W.T.F was that…?_

Chapter 2:

1st place: Kremit:

_It's like distilled garbage... tripe that is pure, natural and bottled at the source..._

2nd place: Roasted Snow:

_gah! its so annoying! horrible! gah! its just- i cant- gah!! its so hard to even get through half of it._

3rd place: Sentient:

_Tragically amusing._

Chapter 3:

1st place: Geek Squared 1307:

_Oh, dear Lord, this is the worst fanfiction ever. It is pure, radioactive filth that needs to be eradicated from this site as soon as possible. It is the perfect example of what happens when people obvioulsy have no education whatsoever._

2nd place: SatanGirl666

_u know what gets me? i had to f-ing read this sick and dimented story because of natural curiosity. go see an f-ing counsler! seek pysciatric help._

3rd place: Iheartmwpp:

_My eyes hurt from trying to read this grammar._

Chapter 4:

1st place: Loonymarauder:

_Wow...this story gets worse and worse with every chapter_

2nd place: Geek Squared 1307:

_This fic makes me sigh with frustration. I have to read some parts over to figure out what in the world is going on._

3rd place: minkX:

_There is something deeply wrong with you..._

Chapter 5: funny cause there was only one flame

1st place: Geek Squared 1307:

_I didn't think it was possible for a fic to be this bad_

2nd place: Iheartmwpp:

_This'll definately be the most poorly written fic on my fav list...congrats!_

3rd place: MinkX:

_Very nice chibi nee-chan_

If ur wondering (and if ur not, tough cookie dough) minkX is my figurative lil sis…which is funny coz she 6 foot (I'm 5"5') and she's a yr younger than me.

Now incase u havnt guessed this is a chapter purely meant for ur displeasure…and entertainment….

Well c u till nxt time yall……TA

Kyuushi .


	7. Installment 7

Instalment seven of this hellish horror. This time I shall be writing normally (thank fuck) however I will be tackling a pet peeve of mine that I had when I was still interested in "goffik" Hermione-the-wrist-cutting-slut phase (yes I am ashamed of myself too). Shampoo…this is just a summary of what I personally read whenever shampoo is involved in a story.

- - - - -

Steam fogged up mirrors and clung to the walls and ceiling of the old stone bathroom. It was odd to see a bathroom with modern instalments like sinks and toilets with running water along with a shower that was big enough to stand four people (or five if they wanted to get _really _cosy).

The shower was spouting scalding hot water at such a pressure that if you were not one Hermione Jane Granger you would bleed. Fortunately for Hermione, her middle name was Jane and her surname was Granger, therefore she was not bleeding. Yet. She had plans for later on tonight to have a full out pity party over her lack of sex and her future of spinsterhood. There was cake and everything. Store bought of course, theory only goes so far. Poor child will never look at a whisk the same again.

However this short story is not about our dear Ms. Granger, it is about something very dear to her, something vital to her existence. Her shampoo sat in it's cradle, enjoying being splashed by the water flying out of the sopping man-eating mane that is Hermione's hair. It felt so important and loved by the girl, as she picked it up and started to coo at it.

"My silk-ifying solution, how I love you and your warm apple pie scent." Her hands stroked over the curved bottle in a loving fashion, as one would do to a particularly affectionate cat. The girl put the bottle down and proceeded to turn off and step out of the shower. Towelling herself dry, she wondered if any one had noticed her new shampoo that made her hair fall in deep, rich chocolate waves around her thin shoulders. She wondered about many things of a similar fashion as she left the sanctuary of the bathroom and wandered off to bed.

Later that night, one Draco Abraxas Malfoy stood, nude, in the very same shower. The water was not turned on and there was no intention of cleansing the body. He picked up the very same bottle of shampoo that Ms. Granger had used. The bottle was feeling very celebrated this evening as Draco started whispering his own praises to the scented substance. He upturned the bottle over his head and SQUEEZED. A viscous stream spouted over his scalp, pooling a bit before gravity pulled in down around to his ears before dripping onto his naked shoulders. As the flow kept going, the shampoo ran in thick, rivulets down his slim chest and over his smooth stomach, caressing him as a lover would.

When the fluid reached the back of his thighs, the bottle was emptied and thrown aside (feeling very empty, violated and used). Reaching up with his hands, Draco scrubbed the shampoo into his skin, making it foam and lather. His harsh scrubbings slowed down to smooth, gentle touches. He massaged himself everywhere, his back, arms and all three legs. When he had made sure that no part of his body was left un-shampooed, Draco turned on the water of the shower. A frozen stream of icy water attacked his lathered scalp. Draco moaned and sank to the floor, letting the water wash over him, rinsing him of the shampoo. He reached up and turned the hot water on as well.

As the temperature reached a more pleasant state, the smell of the shampoo increased in its' strength. He felt his eyes drooping as the scent permeated his mind, cradling it to sleep. And so he slept in the running water until daybreak when very feminine screams woke him from his slumber.

---- ----

Alrighty then, I gave you Draco lovers a bit of fanservice, so I am expecting some more reviews about your opinions on the matter.


	8. Installment 8

WOO I'm on a roll people, I have three more idea's for my pet peeves! However awesome this is I do want your feedback on what I havn't covered yet. Reviews are my friend and may I remind you that this time you won't get any shit for flaming me : ) if this isn't incentive enough, then I don't know what is.

In this episode, I am covering the WAY over used scenario, or should I say 'cliché' of Hermione/Harry (mostly Hermione) being tossed into the same private common room as Draco. When this plot device is written well I don't mind too much, but usually it is written in such a typical and predictable fashion that it is ridiculous.

This chapter is following the basics of such fashion:

Dumbledore lead the two seventeen year olds to a large portrait of the Hogwart's coat of arms., this is where the Head Boy and Girl's quarters were located. Hermione and Draco both shared a look of deep loathing as the elderly wizard chirped the password in a much-too-happy fashion.

"This way Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy." He said, extending his arm in the now open doorway (portrait way?) "I hope that you will find your accommodations suited to your tastes."

Draco and Hermione stepped into a small, cosy common room with a decent sized fire surrounded by cushy-looking, winged chairs. Dumbledore indicated to two staircases leading in opposite directions.

"To our left is Mr. Malfoy's bedroom and to the right is your room Ms. Granger. You will find you both have a shared bathroom." He explained, with a small smile and the ever-present twinkle in his eyes shining brighter than the norm. the two adolescents looked up alarmed at the Headmaster. A shared bathroom? Where was the decency in that? Dumbledore turned to face both of them. He began to inform them of the duties of being the Head students and how it was important to maintain an inter-house companionship between not only themselves but all four houses. The students heard without listening to the old man, both staring at each other with enough hate to burn down the Forbidden Forest. How did Professor Dumbledore expect them to get along with the hate-filled history they had between them? It was insane! Dumbledore finished his speech and looked at them both, he cleared his throat (in a rather Umbridge- like way).

"I shall leave you two alone to get comfortable in your rooms. I hope to see you two well rested at breakfast tomorrow morning." With this farewell he left the two alone in the – _their_ – common room, the fire crackling far to cheerily for it's own good. There was a long pause, filled with tension so thick it could be cut with a butter-knife. There was an extraordinarily loud crack from the fireplace that finally broke the silence between the two, startling them into conversation.

"Nice…common room then huh?" Hermione said. She congratulated herself internally for not letting her voice crack.

"Yes, very nice." Replied Malfoy. He seemed to struggle with himself for a bit before saying in his practiced, arrogant tone, "Look Granger, just because we were both elected as Head students and we both get to share living quarters does not mean I am going to treat to any differently to what we had before." He obviously meant this as an insulting message to say 'You are stuck with me, too bad'. Hermione, however, did not take offence as Malfoy intended. Instead she just nodded her head in agreement.

There was another long pause. The only sounds made were the fire and the two students moving to sit on a chair each. The squeaking of the leather was abnormally loud in the silence. After a long while Hermione looked Draco dead in the face, her own expression revealing nothing. She asked him,

"So…Do you want to do it?" Draco raised a delicate eyebrow and responded with,

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Needless to say, they no longer needed to worry about sharing a bathroom.


	9. Installment 9

Ok guys, this one is dealing with something that has pissed me off for the past few years to the point where I see the word "abuse" in all it's forms and I just skip past the fic. So far I have read only one fanfic that can write abuse well and it's not even a Harry Potter fanfic (FYI it was a Teen Titan's fic, called 'The Peace Contract' by Wynja, a fantastic writer. Check it out if you're interested). What I am trying to get at is, if you can't write abuse fics in their complicated entirety, then don't even try. There is so much more to abuse than just physical or just mental or just emotional. That's the massive flaw with Harry Potter abuse fics is that they focus on one of these aspects and only briefly mention the others, they don't even account for why or how the others affect the character. The Peace Contract is 257,887 words long for a reason, in that not only did Wynja flesh out a brilliant plot, she also dealt with abuse in all it's forms spectacularly as well as integrating it into the plot. She managed to do something that I wish I could do (and will attempt with a future Snarry fic I am currently planning) is to create a Romance without any love and full of hate. Sheer brilliance. Ha, not only did she write a brilliant Abuse fic, she also wrote the only truly successful Mpreg fic I have come across (and I have read a few). All I can say is: poor, poor Robin.

Yes I am in love with Wynja, so sue me.

This is just an example of what "abuse" crap I have read:

Hermione sat in the train, all alone. She wore a long sleeved black top and baggy black cargo pant's that covered most of her large black army boots. She wore all this because she was hiding the marks of her suffering. She stared out the window, watching the rain slam into the side of the train. She found herself thinking about how this was a strong pathetic fallacy to suit her mood. It was true, she may not have been crying on the outside, but on the inside she was weeping as the rain fell to the earth. Why? Why did her life have to be so wrong? Why did they all hate her? She hid her face in her bushy hair, which she had dyed black (to suit her mood) to stop herself from seeing a tear escape her eye in her reflection.

"I will not cry." She muttered to herself. It was too late, however, as soon as that tear escaped her eyelashes many more followed. On and on they came until she let out a gasping sob. Memories of that summer flew to the forefront of her mind. Her father holding her down as he repeatedly beat her with his belt; her mother standing beside him, egging him on. The sound of the door locking as she realised she had no way to get food or to relieve herself. The massive hulk of her father moving up and down as he repeatedly slammed himself into her. All this abuse came rushing back to her mind as she continued to cry harder and harder. She eventually managed to get herself under control and her tears slowed to a stop.

Just in time too as the door to the compartment slammed open. Hermione was treated to the sight of Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny all laughing at something funny that someone said. Their laughter stopped when they caught site of the pathetic girl in front of them. The expression of deep disgust flashed over Potter's face.

"Well guys," He spoke with hardly masked disappointment. "Looks like we have to share with Granger."

Hermione snorted. She stood and gathered up her belongings, as meagre as they were, and said with such scorn:

"Oh don't bother yourself, your highness, this lowly servant will remove herself from your royal presence." With that she pushed her way through the group and walked briskly down the narrow passage way. She shouldered passed students who lined up for the food trolley, and she squeezed through little cliques that had formed outside of the carriages. Finally she made it to the end of the train where she found the last compartment occupied by only one student. This would have been fine for Hermione provided the student didn't talk to her, however, her small victory against society's law of "group travel" was short lived as the student revealed themselves to be Draco Malfoy. She gave a small suffering sigh and decided that sitting with Malfoy couldn't be any worse than her summer at home. Steeling herself against the predicted barrage of insults, she opened the door.

Draco looked up in shock as the door to his own little compartment slid open. Draco then stood up in shock when he saw that it was bloody Granger standing at the door. Planting his trademark sneer on his too delicate face, he drawled:

"Well, if it isn't the mudblood. Come to learn your place in the world have we? I'd only be happy to-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Malfoy, this whole mudblood thing is getting old."

Surprised by Granger's rather crude retaliation, Malfoy did as he was told. Sitting down, he gestured to the empty seat across from him. Hermione accepted the silent invitation. As she stretched to put her things onto the shelf above her seat, her shirt lifted just enough for the secretly perving Malfoy to see an array of purple and green bruises around her sides. He gasped quietly. Hermione must have heard his gasp, as she spun around and pulled her top down just a bit lower so she was sure that no skin was being revealed. She scowled at the offending blond.

"If you tell any one Malfoy, I will curse you so badly that you'll nev-"

"I won't tell," Interrupted Malfoy. "If you tell me where they come from."

Hermione growled to herself. She didn't have much choice in the matter now. She might as well tell him; at least he can't hurt her any more than she has been hurt already.

"Fine, prick. I got them from my mum and dad." She said quietly. "Mostly from dad."

Draco grimaced. "What did he do to you?" 

Hermione turned her head away in shame and hurt. Apparently he could cause her more pain by reliving each memory of the events. She told him everything, the words just flowing out of her mouth. Soon tears followed as well. She even went so far as to tell him of her secret release from the pain. She rolled up her sleaves to show him a myriad of scars, both old and fresh, on her forearms. Draco took her arm in his hand, running his fingers over the rough and torn skin. He was wearing a very un-Malfoy like expression on his face. Concern with a concealed anger. Suddenly he pulled her towards him and planted a kiss firmly on her lips. Hermione's heart skipped one, two, four beats. Their breath mingled as they sat, both of their eyes wide open, neither moving their lips. Just as Hermione was about to reciprocate the kiss, Draco pulled away. With a voice that nearly wavered, the blond asked:

"Did that make it feel better?"

The freaking end of this one.

Seriously guys, I want reviews and now your homework is to go read Wynja's stuff. You'll find her in my favourite stories and Authors.


	10. Installment 10

Alrighty then guys, I know I have promised to do an Mpreg rant-fic but I had planned this one first. And honestly, there's not much creativity going into this.

You see, I have actually come across some fanfiction where the writer has _dared _to copy/paste information into the fic and not edit it into the story. Not only that but they copy/paste information about homosexuality, oral sex, anal sex and many other things that are related to sexuality. I just want to make a point that you can't research these things and expect that every fact is the truth. To me these are the only true facts about sex:

- When not done properly, anal hurts like a bitch.

- You are more likely to contract AID's via anal sex as the rectum is pretty much a web of blood vessels therefore more susceptible to diseases. Thus the negative stigma on the gay community during the AIDs epidemic that had gained awareness in the 80's.

- Condoms may put a damper on things but are pretty damn good at keeping away diseases and parasites like babies and so fourth.

- Sex will NOT kill you.

- AIDs is not an airborne disease, you will NOT get AIDs by standing next to someone who has AIDs. There are two ways to get it, by blood or by semen, not saliva or shared space.

Any way I am digressing from the point. Don't copy and paste into a fanfic…or you will get AIDs and die. By the way, if you don't want to know the entire history of homosexuality then I suggest you scroll down the end of the fic.

Hermione looked at Harry with deep concern and love in her eyes. To her, Harry could never do anything bad. To her, she would help him through his toughest stuggles. She put a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder and began to explain.

"Look Harry, it's not all bad. Homosexuality is the romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of the same sex, situationally or as an enduring disposition. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is considered to lie within the heterosexual-homosexual continuum of human sexuality,[1] and refers to an individual's identity based on those attractions and membership in a community of others who share them.[2][3]

The prevalence of homosexuality is difficult to determine accurately; studies suggest between two and twenty percent of the population exhibit some degree of homosexual sensibility, though in many cultures homosexual relations have been prevalent. Homosexuality is widely encountered in the animal kingdom.[4][5] Throughout history, individual aspects of homosexuality have been admired or condemned according to various societies' sexual norms. When praised, those aspects were seen as a way to improve society;[6] when condemned, particular activities were seen as a sin or a disease, and some homosexual behavior was prohibited by law. Since the middle of the 20th century homosexuality has been gradually delisted as a disease and decriminalized in nearly all developed countries.[7] However, the legal status of homosexual relations varies widely by country and there remain jurisdictions in which certain homosexual behaviors are crimes with severe penalties including death.

Many homosexual people hide their feelings and activities out of fear of disapproval or aggression; they are commonly said to be _closeted_. Disclosing one's homosexual or bisexual orientation is known as _coming out (of the closet)_. Efforts toward emancipation of homosexuality as it is currently understood began in the 1860s; since the mid-1950s there has been an accelerating trend towards increased visibility, acceptance, and civil rights for lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Nevertheless, heterosexism and homophobia persist, and in particular young people subjected to it are at greater risk of socialization difficulties including suicide.[8] Currently the most common adjectives in use are _lesbian_ for women and _gay_ for men, though some prefer other terms or none at all.

he word _homosexual_ is a Greek and Latin hybrid with the first element derived from Greek _homos_, 'same' (not related to the Latin _homo_, 'man', such as in _Homo sapiens_), thus connoting sexual acts and affections between members of the same sex, including lesbianism.[9] _Gay_ generally refers to male homosexuality, but may be used in a broader sense to refer to all LGBT people. In the context of sexuality, _lesbian_ refers only to female homosexuality. The word "lesbian" is derived from the name of the Greek island Lesbos, where the poet Sappho wrote largely about her emotional relationships with young women.[10][11]

The adjective _homosexual_ describes behavior, relationships, people, orientation, etc. The adjectival form literally means "same sex", being a hybrid formed from Greek _homo-_ (a form of _homos_ "same"), and "sexual" from Medieval Latin _sexualis_ (from Classical Latin _sexus_). Many modern style guides in the U.S. recommend against using _homosexual_ as a noun, instead using _gay man_ or _lesbian_.[12] Similarly, some recommend completely avoiding usage of _homosexual_ as it has a negative, clinical history and because the word only refers to one's sexual behavior (as opposed to romantic feelings) and thus it has a negative connotation.[12] _Gay_ and _lesbian_ are the most common alternatives. The first letters are frequently combined to create the initialism LGBT (sometimes written as GLBT), in which _B_ and _T_ refer to bisexual and transgender people.

The first known appearance of _homosexual_ in print is found in an 1869 German pamphlet by the Austrian-born novelist Karl-Maria Kertbeny, published anonymously,[13] arguing against a Prussian anti-sodomy law.[14][15] In 1879, Gustav Jager used Kertbeny's terms in his book, _Discovery of the Soul_ (1880).[15] In 1886, Richard von Krafft-Ebing used the terms _homosexual_ and _heterosexual_ in his book _Psychopathia Sexualis_, probably borrowing them from Jager. Krafft-Ebing's book was so popular among both layman and doctors that the terms "heterosexual" and "homosexual" became the most widely accepted terms for sexual orientation.[15][16]

As such, the current use of the term has its roots in the broader 19th-century tradition of personality taxonomy. These continue to influence the development of the modern concept of sexual orientation,[_citation needed_] gaining associations with romantic love and identity in addition to its original, exclusively sexual, meaning.

Although early writers also used the adjective _homosexual_ to refer to any single-sex context (such as an all-girls' school), today the term is used exclusively in reference to sexual attraction, activity, and orientation. The term _homosocial_ is now used to describe single-sex contexts that are not specifically sexual. There is also a word referring to same-sex love, _homophilia_. Other terms include _men who have sex with men_ or _MSM_ (used in the medical community when specifically discussing sexual activity), _homoerotic_ (referring to works of art), _heteroflexible_ (referring to a person who identifies as heterosexual, but occasionally engages in same-sex sexual activities), and _metrosexual_ (referring to a non-gay man with stereotypically gay tastes in food, fashion, and design). Pejorative terms in English include _queer_, _faggot_, _fairy_, _poof_, and _homo_. Beginning in the 1990s, some of these have been reclaimed as positive words by gay men and lesbians, as in the usage of queer studies, queer theory, and even the popular American television program _Queer Eye for the Straight Guy_. The word _homo_ occurs in many other languages without the pejorative connotations it has in English. As with ethnic slurs and racial slurs, however, the misuse of these terms can still be highly offensive; the range of acceptable use depends on the context and speaker. Conversely, _gay_, a word originally embraced by homosexual men and women as a positive, affirmative term (as in gay liberation and gay rights), has come into widespread pejorative use among young people.

Many people who feel attracted to members of their own sex have a so-called "coming out" at some point in their lives. Generally, coming out is described in three phases. The first phase is the phase of "knowing oneself," and the realization or decision emerges that one is open to same-sex relations. This is often described as an internal coming out. The second phase involves one's decision to come out to others, e.g. family, friends, and/or colleagues. This occurs with many people as early as age 11, but others do not clarify their sexual orientation until age 40 or older. The third phase more generally involves living openly as an LGBT person.[18] In the United States today, people often come out during high school or college age. At this age, they may not trust or ask for help from others, especially when their orientation is not accepted in society. Sometimes their own families are not even informed.

According to Rosario, Schrimshaw, Hunter, Braun (2006), "the development of a lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) sexual identity is a complex and often difficult process. Unlike members of other minority groups (e.g., ethnic and racial minorities), most LGB individuals are not raised in a community of similar others from whom they learn about their identity and who reinforce and support that identity. Rather, LGB individuals are often raised in communities that are either ignorant of or openly hostile toward homosexuality."[19]

Outing is the practice of publicly revealing the sexual orientation of a closeted person.[20] Notable politicians, celebrities, military service people, and clergy members have been outed, with motives ranging from malice to political or moral beliefs. Many commentators oppose the practice altogether,[21] while some encourage outing public figures who use their positions of influence to harm other gay people.[22]

Major US, UK and Australian professional and scientific organizations regard attempts to change people's sexual orientation as potentially harmful, while fringe groups, often motivated by religious beliefs, believe change is possible, or homosexual attraction diminished, for those who cannot accept their sexual orientation.[17][24][25][26][27][28]

The Royal College of Psychiatrists states that it "shares the concern of both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association that positions espoused by bodies like the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) in the United States are not supported by science. There is no sound scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed. Furthermore so-called treatments of homosexuality as recommended by NARTH create a setting in which prejudice and discrimination can flourish,"[24] and added that "The best evidence for efficacy of any treatment comes from randomised clinical trials and no such trial has been carried out in this field."[25]

The earliest writers on a homosexual orientation usually understood it to be intrinsically linked to the subject's own sex. For example, it was thought that a typical female-bodied person who is attracted to female-bodied persons would have masculine attributes, and vice versa.[29] This understanding was shared by most of the significant theorists of homosexuality from the mid 19th to early 20th centuries, such as Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, Magnus Hirschfeld, Havelock Ellis, Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud, as well as many gender variant homosexual people themselves. However, this understanding of homosexuality as sexual inversion was disputed at the time, and through the second half of the 20th century, gender identity came to be increasingly seen as a phenomenon distinct from sexual orientation.

Transgender and cisgender people may be attracted to men, women or both, although the prevalence of different sexual orientations is quite different in these two populations (see sexual orientation of transwomen). An individual homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual person may be masculine, feminine, or androgynous, and in addition, many members and supporters of lesbian and gay communities now see the "gender-conforming heterosexual" and the "gender-nonconforming homosexual" as negative stereotypes. However, studies by J. Michael Bailey and K.J. Zucker have found that a majority of gay men and lesbians report being gender-nonconforming during their childhood years.[30] Richard C. Friedman, in _Male Homosexuality_ published in 1990,[31] writing from a psychoanalytic perspective, argues that sexual desire begins later than the writings of Sigmund Freud indicate, not in infancy but between the ages of 5 and 10 and is not focused on a parent figure but on peers. As a consequence, he reasons, homosexual men are not abnormal, never having been sexually attracted to their mothers anyway.[32]

ecause a homosexual orientation is complex and multi-dimensional, some academics and researchers, especially in Queer studies, have argued that it is a historical and social construction. In 1976 the historian Michel Foucault argued that homosexuality as an identity did not exist in the eighteenth century; that people instead spoke of "sodomy", which referred to sexual acts. Sodomy was a crime that was often ignored but sometimes punished severely (see sodomy law).

The term homosexual is often used in European and American cultures to encompass a person's entire social identity, which includes self and personality. In Western cultures some people speak meaningfully of gay, lesbian, and bisexual identities and communities. In other cultures, homosexuality and heterosexual labels don't emphasize an entire social identity or indicate community affiliation based on sexual orientation.[33] Some scholars, such as David Green, state that homosexuality is a modern Western social construct, and as such cannot be used in the context of non-Western male-male sexuality, nor in the pre-modern West.[34]

People with a homosexual orientation can express their sexuality in a variety of ways, and may or may not express it in their behaviors.[35] Some have sexual relationships predominately with people of their own gender identity, another gender, bisexual relationships or they can be celibate.[35] Research indicates that many lesbians and gay men want, and succeed in having, committed and durable relationships. For example, survey data indicate that between 40% and 60% of gay men and between 45% and 80% of lesbians are currently involved in a romantic relationship.[36] Survey data also indicates that between 18% and 28% of gay couples and between 8% and 21% of lesbian couples in the U.S. have lived together ten or more years.[37] Studies have found same-sex and opposite-sex couples to be equivalent to each other in measures of satisfaction and commitment in romantic relationships,[38][39] that age and gender are more reliable than sexual orientation as a predictor of satisfaction and commitment to a romantic relationship,[39] and that people who are heterosexual or homosexual share comparable expectations and ideals with regard to romantic relationships.[40]

Reliable data as to the size of the gay and lesbian population is of value in informing public policy.[41] For example, demographics would help in calculating the costs and benefits of domestic partnership benefits, of the impact of legalizing gay adoption, and of the impact of the U.S. military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy.[41] Further, knowledge of the size of the "gay and lesbian population holds promise for helping social scientists understand a wide array of important questions—questions about the general nature of labor market choices, accumulation of human capital, specialization within households, discrimination, and decisions about geographic location."[41]

Measuring the prevalence of homosexuality may present difficulties.[42] The research must measure some characteristic that may or may not be defining of sexual orientation. The class of people with same-sex desires may be larger than the class of people who act on those desires, which in turn may be larger than the class of people who self-identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual.[41] Studies to determine the proportion of individuals who have had a homosexual experience may misleadingly overstate the prevalence of homosexuality (as not all those who have had homosexual experiences necessarily have a homosexual preference) or understate it (as not all those with a predominantly homosexual orientation are necessarily sexually active or have physically acted on it).[_citation needed_]

In 1948 and 1953, Alfred Kinsey reported that nearly 46% of the male subjects had "reacted" sexually to persons of both sexes in the course of their adult lives, and 37% had had at least one homosexual experience.[43] Kinsey's methodology was criticized.[44][45] A later study tried to eliminate the sample bias, but still reached similar conclusions.[46]

Estimates of the occurrence of exclusive homosexuality range from one to twenty percent of the population, usually finding there are slightly more gay men than lesbians.[47][48][49][50][51][52][53][54][55][56][57][58][59][60][61]

Estimates of the frequency of homosexual activity also vary from one country to another. A 1992 study reported that 6.1% of males in Britain had had a homosexual experience, while in France the number was 4.1%.[62] According to a 2003 survey, 12% of Norwegians have had homosexual sex.[56] In New Zealand, a 2006 study suggested that 20% of the population anonymously reported some homosexual feelings, few of them identifying as homosexual. Percentage of persons identifying homosexual was 2–3%.[58] According to a 2008 poll, while only 6% of Britons define their sexual orientation as homosexual or bisexual, more than twice that number (13%) of Britons have had some form of sexual contact with someone of the same sex.[57]

In the United States, according to exit polling on 2008 Election Day for the 2008 Presidential elections, 4% of electorate self-identified as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, the same percen-"

"HERMIONE!!?" Harry exclaimed loudly, Interrupting Hermione's impressive speech.

"Hush Harry, you need to know these things!" She had just drawn a breath to continue when Harry slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Hermione." He said in his no-nonsense tone. "I am not gay, I am telling you now that Ginny's pregnant again. You know? Our fifth child in our ten year marriage."

"Oh…um…Congratulations?"

Alrighty, I shall start work on that Mpreg fic right now.

P.S. I am in no way a strong supporter of Harry/Ginny, I stick strictly to Snarry and Drarry. For some reason Ginny gives me the creeps.


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